so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
