My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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