You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
