i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
