Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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