My room smells like vodka and shame
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
