You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
