I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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