they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
