shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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