Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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