It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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