It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
