I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
