His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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