The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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