I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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