don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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