This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
