he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
