well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
