Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
two words: eviction party
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
