I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
