Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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