he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and she was petting her beer can
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
