please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
