Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
