drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
