i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
