i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I want to fling myself into the sun
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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