A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
