she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
