Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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