i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
