someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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