I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
there is glitter all over my balls
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