You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
