why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
