You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
