I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
