now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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