he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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