You just made me feel so damn special
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
