ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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