How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
