I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
