Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
