remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
