i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
