the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
