i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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