I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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