Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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