I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
