he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
