I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
