Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize