btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
