Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
