You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
