I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
