She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
