It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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