my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
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