I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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