Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
