I am in a vortex of obligation.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
