It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
