last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize