So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
